Summer -- To Do List

To inspire my kids (ages 11 and 13) during the summer, I created a Summer -- To Do List.

It's broken down into categories: Be Healthy, Read and Learn, Make the World a Better Place, Be Social, Explore and Create, and Help Your Family.

I have my kids make a goal for themselves for the week and I add a Mom's challenge for the week ie: drink 3 or more bottles of water each day.

I've offered different goals ie: check off two things in each category in the week for a PRIZE! Maybe it's a family movie night at home with popcorn or going to the local swimming pool or ice cream sundaes! Things we'd likely do anyways, but it's so much more fun to call them prizes.

I put the paper in a page protector and have my kids write on it with a dry erase marker. If you leave the marker on the page protector for too long it will turn bumpy, but it's still useable.

If you want a free copy of this Summer To Do List, you can e-mail me at: sowingdandelions(at)yahoo(dot)ca  but put the actual @ and . in the e-mail address! I'll even make a few changes for you if you want to personalize it more.

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

Plugged-In Parenting: How to Raise Media-Savvy Kids with Love, Not War

Plugged-in Parenting: How to Raise Media-Savy Kids with Love, Not War, by Bob Waliszewski is a worthwhile read for anyone with children.  Even if you think it's "too late" for your kids -- there is still advice in this book relevant to you and your family.

The book states: "I would suggest that until our children hate poison, they're likely to fall victim to it."  If we turn a blind eye to the influence that media can have on our children and don't equip them with the skills of discernment, the inevitable outcome is that our children fall victim to the "poison".

We need to teach our children discernment between positive, neutral and objectionable media.  Objectionable media "promotes pride, selfishness, immorality, rebellion, greed and drug use -- often portraying these behaviors as glamorous, fun, and beneficial."  Isn't this typical of most mainstream entertainment these days?

I tell my kids that you can't unsee something once you've seen it.  I tell them: "Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things."  Phillipians 4:8.  This is what we try to model our entertainment choices on.

When I was 12 I went to a sleepover birthday party for a Christian friend and a horror movie was one of the movies shown.  As soon as I realized it was a horror (can't unsee that scene!), I asked two friends if they wanted to leave with me.  Both of them said no.  To this day, the one friend says she has nightmares and wishes she would have left with me when I asked her to.  It was lonely and boring sitting in another room flipping through magazines by myself during the party, but I've never regretted that decision.

I wish I could say I showed that same restraint as I got older, but there has been a movie or two I wish I could unsee.

As parents we need to be aware of what our children are seeing, listening to and playing -- in our home and in the homes of their friends where it's harder to supervise the influence media has on them.

For parents who want to make informed decisions about what their kids are exposed to, check out reviews on movies, tv, video, music and games at Plugged In.

Disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book through Tyndale in exchange for my honest review.

~ Chelsey ~

Bending Rules and Breaking Hearts

Desiree picked a daisy for me.  I smiled largely, thanked her and carried it around while we looked at lemurs and jaguars and wallabies at the zoo.

At the squirrel monkey cage I was overcome with a temptation to hand over the daisy.  The tiny palm of a squirrel monkey grasped the daisy and then he bounded off with it.  Within moments the squirrel monkeys were fighting over the daisy and eating it.

Suddenly I realized that I had broken the rule written clearly on the cage: "Do not feed the animals".  In my defense I hadn't known I was feeding them.  I didn't realize they would eat a daisy...  As the squirrel monkeys plucked the petals of the daisy out one by one in a "loves me, loves me not" way, I turned and saw the tears on my daughter's face.

I also didn't realize that I would hurt her feelings by re-gifting the daisy she had given me.

I cherish the flowers my kids give me, but I have to admit -- it's the love in their eyes as they give the flower to me that matters more to me than the flower itself.  Yet, it was hurt I saw in her eyes now...

I hugged my daughter and told her I had made a mistake -- I shouldn't have given her gift away like that.  I dried her tears and asked her forgiveness.

Desiree and Daddy went off to get me another daisy while I explained to my son how I had not meant to "break the law of the zoo" and feed the squirrel monkeys or hurt his sister's feelings.

And then, in an act of true forgiveness, Desiree presented the daisy to me again.  This time I kept it -- cherishing the gift of love and the gift of a second chance...


~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

I AM June Cleaver...

June Cleaver is often considered the ideal mom that all other moms are compared to and found lacking.  Moms sarcastically lament "I'm no June Cleaver".  Well, put the sarcasm aside and take a look at things from a different point of view:

June Cleaver's house is immaculate and yet she always has time to bake cookies for the boys for after school snacks.  But, did you know that the Cleavers have a maid?  Having a maid would free up a lot of us moms to bake homemade cookies and would certainly improve the state of our homes (mine especially).

What about the pearl necklaces and the high heels?  According to and article in The Washington Post, Barbara Billingsley had a "hollow" in her neck and wore the pearls to cover it up.  As for the high heels, The Washington Post quotes Barbara Billingsley as saying: "Wally and the Beaver began to get taller.  That's why they put me in heels.  The producers wanted me to be as tall or taller than the kids."

What society has interpreted as "perfection" in the character of June Cleaver was actually insecurities and shortcomings (pun intended).

In the episode, "Brotherly Love" from Season 1, June even questions herself as a mother.  June attempts to get the boys to stop fighting with one another, but after a short break they inevitably start fighting again. June and Ward hear the fight from downstairs.

***

June: "Oh Ward, I just failed as a parent."

Ward: "From the sound of things, I'd say they were succeeding as children."

***

Clearly, I AM June Cleaver.  I have insecurities I try to cover up and moments where I feel like I've failed as a mom....

We moms need to stop comparing ourselves to the idea of  "the perfect mom" -- whether that mom is a character on a tv show or a mom in real life.  No mom is perfect.  Feeling sub standard is not going to help us be better moms and pretending to be perfect will only make others (including our kids) feel they can't measure up to us.

So... kick off the high heels and set the pearls and the mop aside.  This Mother's Day don't worry about how you 'measure up' as a mom -- just take time to enjoy your kids (and maybe some store-bought cookies).

 ~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

Counting Compliments

The other day Elijah caught a fly... with his bare hands... I thought that was pretty disgusting, but said: "Wow Elijah -- you caught a fly! You must be really fast!"

Desiree looked at me sadly like she was waiting for me to give a compliment to her. She then said: "I feel like you don't compliment me very much". I was pretty proud of her for voicing her feelings so eloquently. Then I asked if she wanted me to say: "Wow Desiree -- you caught a fly! You must be really fast!". She agreed that would be silly since she hadn't caught a fly.

I told her that I was fairly sure that I compliment both of them equally overall, although not always at the same time. I explained if I were passing out ice cream cones I'd give them both an ice cream cone at the same time. But, I told her, I try to give genuine compliments as they are deserved and that the compliments are specific to the person I'm giving them to.

Later on that day I gave her a compliment. I made a point of saying after "Did you just hear my compliment?" She realized that she had barely noticed the compliment I had given her, yet she had certainly noticed her lack of compliments earlier when I complimented her brother.

Personally, I often wait expectantly for a compliment to come my way. You know -- one that I really deserve. I can almost hear it... but, then ... I don't. Not everyone is following the same script as me and the compliment that seemed so deserved doesn't come my way after all. Being a mom, in particular, is often described as a thankless job. Surely someone will notice though and blow my horn for me. I need it to be blown. I need to hear it to know that I still have a horn -- that I still have some worth.

It seems like it is often human nature for us to notice the lack of good coming our way more than the good that's right in front of us. I need to remind myself to look for the good -- and to give compliments instead of counting them...

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

Choose Your Own Parenting Adventure -- Chocolate Egg Edition

You take your two children (ages 4 and 6) to the store and watch them closely as they attempt to run in separate directions. You let them play for a while with the toys in the toy section as a trade off for letting you accomplish your in-store tasks afterwards.

With your items in hand, you herd your children towards the checkouts. Suddenly, your 4 year old grabs a Kindersurprise chocolate egg and squishes it. Whether this is a desperate attempt to get you to buy it or whether he's trying to free the toy inside is irrelevant -- the chocolate egg has been significantly squished.


If you decide to ignore the fact that he's rendered the chocolate egg unsaleable, put the chocolate egg back on the stand.

If you decide that damaged goods must be paid for, take the chocolate egg to the checkout and pay $1.


As you approach the vehicle you tell your son that in no way does this mean he gets the egg and the toy hidden inside it. However, before you have a chance to make the egg "disappear", your husband has opened the egg. He divides the chocolate egg amongst your 6 year old, the two of you and, in an act of mercy, your 4 year old son. Again you remind your son that the toy will not be his so as not to encourage this chocolate egg squishing behaviour in the future.

If you decide the toy from inside the egg should go to no one, take it home and hide it.

If you decide the toy from inside the egg should go to your 6 year old daughter who was not involved in the crime, pass it to her.


Upon arrival at home and finding out that the toy is clearly not his, your 4 year old has a massive temper tantrum. You realize that he has not been satiated by the sliver of chocolate. It's as if the little plastic bug with velcro on its underside so you can stick it to people's shirts is THE BEST TOY EVER.

If you decide that he is being unreasonably greedy, stick him in his room and shut the door to drown out his screams.

If you decide that he is over-tired, hug him and sing "The Old Rugged Cross" loudly to drown out his screams and help calm you him down.


This was in fact how we spent our evening a couple days ago. In case you didn't already figure it out the second choice was the one I made each time.

Elijah did not calm down till Desiree put an alternate little toy inside the internal plastic egg and gave it to him so he could pretend it was a real chocolate egg toy. I allowed her to do this because 1. he calmed down and 2. it was such a sweet thing for her to do for her brother.

I'm wondering if Elijah has come away from this experience having learned anything... If not, I guess I'll spend my days eating squished chocolate eggs and singing "The Old Rugged Cross"...

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

Scheduling Family Fun.

Life is challenging for us because of my husband's stroke symptoms. So... I decided we needed some structure in our chaotic life -- a bit of predictability and things to look forward to. Here's the schedule I've come up with:


Tuesday -- crafts
Wii Wednesday
Thursday -- Awana (or theater class)
Friday -- Family sleepover and movie
Saturday -- board games
Sunday -- church & Little House on the Prairie





Monday has ended up being a day where we do whatever we may have missed throughout the prior week. ie: if we go out Saturday night we can do board games on Monday instead. We're flexible, but it's nice to have a schedule to work around.

The kids most look forward to Wii Wednesday and Family sleepovers (which technically only include the kids and I for the sleepover portion). My husband watches the movie with us, but he tried staying for a sleepover once and got annoyed that Desiree and I were whispering. I told him: "Whispering is what sleepovers are all about!"

Even though life may be unpredictable for us, having a weekly schedule (essentially a weekly set of traditions) has given us something to look forward to -- a lot of quality time together.

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

The Judgement of Strangers

I regularly experience the judgement of strangers. It's like I have a sign on me that says "Judge me" because I have active children.

Just the other day I went to the mall and my three year old son ran off on me (still in my sight) to the ride on cars. I insisted he come back (and he did not). As I hurried towards him, a lady, who had been watching, says to me in a condescending tone of voice: "That's how children get kidnapped, you know".

Clearly this lady (if she ever had kids!) had been the perfect mother of perfect children. Just because my kids are active doesn't mean I'm an incompetent parent.

Another time my neighbour (dad of two docile girls) phoned to bawl me out when my son (who had just turned three) climbed a bush in our backyard and jumped our five foot fence into his yard!!! I hadn't expected he would do that! In the time it took me to run around to the front yard to their yard to get my son, the neighbour phoned me up and left a message saying that I needed to watch my children better and that he and his wife were capable of watching their two children even though they both worked so why couldn't I watch my two properly as a stay at home mom. (I guess it slipped his mind that they have a babysitter!) When I called him back (why did I do that?) I tried explaining to him that all children are different, but he figured he had two children and I had two children and so it was the same. Nevermind that his docile girls would never dream of climbing a bush or jumping a fence. To imply that all kids are the same and that parenting is the same for everyone is crazy.

Children are all different. What works best for one child doesn't work for another (even in the same family). That's what makes parenting such a challenge! I'd love it if people would stop judging me as a parent based on what kind of kids they themselves have. My kids may not be docile and submissive all the time, but they're creative and a lot of fun. I may not be the best parent ever, but I'd like to think that I'm the best parent for them.

How have you been judged as a parent? (cause I know you have...)

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~

The Meanest Mom

Parenting is often a thankless job (for decades anyways). If your kids have ever said they hated you, you know you're doing something right and that the feelings are only temporary. My 3 yr old has been known to say "I'll never love you" at the top of his lungs when he doesn't get his way. But he always hugs me and says he loves me when things are over (even though he still hasn't been given his way!).

Here's a snippet from a newspaper ad that shows a great example of tough love:

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue for sale. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat … Call meanest mom on the planet."

~❀~ Chelsey ~❀~